then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
