dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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