i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
