She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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