just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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