You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
