I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
