I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
