he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
