i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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