you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
