my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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