I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
