Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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