But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
