My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Two words: blizzard sex
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
