Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
