She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
