So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
