i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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