I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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