Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
