Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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