no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
