Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
