apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
