Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
