how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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