He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
