guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
