its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
