I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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