What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
