you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
