Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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