You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
