the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
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I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
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and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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