I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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