Ambien. No doubt about it.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
