I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Randomize
