i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize