I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
