"it" just moved
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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