in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
