it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been