I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
what food is Colorado known for?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra