FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER