halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
