All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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