He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
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This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
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I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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