My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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