We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
