Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
