i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
