I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
