chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
