I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
