you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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