So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
