sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
