I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
