My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just threw up on my dentist
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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