Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
