I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
