At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
