bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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