Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
they need to just BURY HIM!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
