i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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