i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
