Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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