well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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