I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize