So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
