His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
