I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
