I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
