i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
