OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
