And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
