Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
