where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
