I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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