i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
